Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
