I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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