also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
