Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
