I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
