I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
