Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
