What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
