Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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