I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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