I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
