in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
