What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
