Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
