The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
