My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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