i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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