Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
