he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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