You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
