On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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