i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
