it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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