ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
