I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
