i just had sex bonerless
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
