Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
