she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
