Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
