best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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