hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
