just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Be still, my beating vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i think i just lost a toe
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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