Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
