after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
