Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
