Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
