I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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