Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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