me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
