I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
