What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
