Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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