Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it hurts more in the daytime
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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