i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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