tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
