Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
