Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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