I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
