is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
