i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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