If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
