thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
