can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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